Coach Adam's Communication Tips

5 Tips on Confronting Someone's Behavior

It is common to be irritated by someone’s behavior.  Whether or not the annoyance is intentional, the real problem arises when you must confront the person.  Informing someone of their annoying behavior can be uncomfortable for many, and possibly insulting to the receiving party.  Many avoid the situation completely, only escalating the frustration.  Approaching someone delicately about their behavior is very feasible, using the right tactics.

#1 Describe the Situation, Not What You Think

When you address the situation, do your best not to judge it.  You may think you know why the person is acting a certain way, but the truth is you do not know unless they tell you.  The person may be completely unaware of what they are doing.  If you describe what you think instead of what is actually happening, you are judging the situation and the person and not informing them of anything.  Stay objective, and tell them what you see happening, and let them see what you are seeing instead of what you are thinking.  Even if they are aware of what they are doing, hearing about it in an objective light may let them see how it affects others.

#2 Understand the Other Person

This can be very difficult, but extremely beneficial if accomplished.  If you can show compassion and understand the other person’s position and/or point of view, you will make a lot more progress to putting a stop to the behavior or finding a resolution.  Treat the person like a human being, listen to what they have to say, put yourself in their shoes.  This compassion will not only help you communicate calmly with the other person, it lowers their defenses and makes them more receptive.

#3 Keep Your Emotions at Bay

No one enjoys being yelled at.  Directing anger, annoyance or frustration on another person usually does not create an open space for communication.  Although we may have a strong desire to express the emotion we are feeling at the moment, stay focused on what you want the outcome to be.  You will not reach your desired outcome by targeting the other person.  You are more likely to resolve the situation by concentrating and expressing the result you are looking for.

#4 Prepare for Defensiveness

Defensiveness is common response to confrontation.  What you say may be interpreted incorrectly or it may be taken as an insult.  If the other person does become defensive, be patient, and do not take it personally.  Contrast and clarify what you are saying, and what you are not saying.  Make it clear that it is not a personal attack, just an observation and that you want a positive outcome for everyone involved.

#5 Accept and Move On   

Finding a resolution is not always achievable.  The other person may be unwilling to shift in their position, or may not understand what you are saying.  In this case accept that this is the person’s position, and that it has nothing to do with you.  This does not mean you have to like it or always tolerate it.  If the behavior is very inappropriate and disruptive, find another person who can help (a server in a restaurant, a manager at work, etc.).  When you accept the situation and the person, it becomes easier to objectively involve someone else.  You can explain the situation without blaming or insulting the other person, which makes the third party more inclined to assist you.

Confrontation can be unnerving for many people, both on the giving and receiving ends.  Telling someone their conduct is bothersome can end well when a true awareness is created.  A lack of understanding and acceptance is an easy way to instigate negative conflict. Resolutions can be reached by focusing on the situation and actions, and demonstrating compassion.

5 Tips on Working Well with a New Team

Forming a new team for a project, large task, or special assignment is an effective way for creating a different dynamic.  A group with people who have an assorted set of skills, backgrounds and knowledge can offer new ideas and discoveries that a group of similar individuals may not.  The same can be said about a team formed with staff from different departments.  Although these teams may be very productive, sometimes the diversity can become an obstacle to goal achievement.  The focus may shift from the task at hand to the conflict on the team.  Here are a few tips that can help a new team work together effectively.

#1 Look for Value

A team has the ability to produce new ideas from its diverse knowledge base that may not be produced otherwise.  Ideas are often ignored or harshly criticized in group settings when they are deemed useless.  This can be a problem because it alienates the person who provided the idea.  When someone repeatedly gets their ideas shot down, they lose their incentive to contribute. In addition, ideas that could be useful in the future are passed over.  Criticism is not difficult, finding something negative in an idea or opinion does not take much effort.  Finding the positive side of an idea that seems useless at first may require more thought, but can have a big payoff.  Out of the box ideas and originality comes from thinking that does not feel familiar or comfortable.  Be open to it.  Motivate participation by encouraging ideas and finding value whenever possible.

#2 Stay on Track

A team can easily stray off the team agenda due to personal agendas or lack of focus.  Ensure the entire team understands the goals of the group, and what needs to be done.  Going onto tangents can be beneficial in conception of new ideas, but can waste valuable time if the group wanders too far.  Being mindful of the team agenda can be a valuable time saver and can maintain the efficiency of the group. 

#3 Embrace Productive Conflict, Resolve Unnecessary Conflict

Conflict on a team may be useful in some situations.  Conflict can generate an abundance of ideas if it is embraced.  Guide arguments and disagreements into discussions.  Constructively building on different viewpoints encourages more opinions, ideas and knowledge which may help the team reach its goal.  Resolution to conflict that is unrelated to the project is essential to a team’s progress.  Identify conflict that is unrelated to the team’s goals and settle it when possible.  If it begins to take too much time from the rest of the group, put it aside and find a resolution outside the group.  Maintaining a positive morale and open communication vastly improves the team’s ability to work together. 

#4 Be Prepared

Learn as much as possible before joining a team for a new project.  You lose the respect of your teammates when you go in blind and make opinions based on minimal knowledge. Your input will be valued, you will have more confidence, and you will gain more respect from your team members when you are prepared for the project and knowledgeable about the subject.  If the information is not readily available before work has begun, stay attentive and learn what you can as the project progresses. 

#5 Encourage the Strengths of Others

Everyone will bring something different to a new team.  Utilizing the strengths and skills of the group will encourage productivity and boost morale.  Team members will work to their fullest potential, and feel good about making their contributions.  They will also receive the acknowledgement for the work they are doing.  Encouraging others can be complimenting useful ideas they have provided, expressing the value of an individual’s skill to the task at hand, or showing appreciation for a team member.  It is important to fix problems and strengthen weaknesses, but it is the team’s talents that will support overcoming obstacles.

A team is more likely to achieve success when the team itself is valued.  In addition to supporting the team as a whole, the team should appreciate what each individual has to offer.  Respect, understanding and awareness of the team members and their ideas will keep them motivated to reach the team goal.

6 Tips on Receiving Feedback

Feedback can be a valuable tool in personal and professional development.  The opinions of others can give you insight into your own behavior that you may not know or find out on your own.  Although it is very useful, sometimes feedback can be difficult to hear, especially if it has not been requested, or an opinion you do not agree with.  Whether it comes from a co-worker or a friend, it is important to receive the feedback with composure.  A hostile response may damage the relationship.  If the intentions are sincere, you want to respond in a way that shows appreciation and that does not harm the relationship.

#1 Differentiate Feedback from Criticism

Feedback is not criticism.  Feedback can include comments that are positive, and comments that encourage improvement.  Criticism on the other hand has a negative connotation.  It is a judgment about what someone else thinks is wrong.  When someone does give you feedback, know it is not a judgment, simply a suggestion on what you have done well and where you can improve.  If you are criticized, the appropriate responses for feedback do not apply. The criticism may be intended for your benefit, it does not necessarily promote  improvement.

#2 Listen

When listening to feedback, be sure to take in the content of what the person is saying.  There is no need to think about why this person is sharing with you, as you know the purpose of feedback is to support your development.  Listening with that mindset can give you the opportunity to truly hear what the person is saying, and can keep you from judging the information before you hear it.  Listening does not mean agreeing, it just means you are actively taking in the information.

#3 Trust

Once you have made the distinction between the feedback and criticism, you must trust the other person.   Trust that they are not insulting or attacking you, and they are only trying to help.  You have the choice to disagree, but if you do not trust the person, and you receive feedback you do not like, you may react inappropriately, which can hurt the relationship.  This can be may be more difficult with someone you may not have a close relation with. If you have verified it is feedback and not criticism, you can trust the purpose of the feedback even if you do not completely know the person.

#4 Be Gracious

Always show gratitude for the feedback.  The giver has taken the time to think about how you can improve and has decided to share with you.  They should be thanked for their efforts.  If you do not agree, still thank them, regardless of what they say.  They have your best interests in mind.

#5 Stay Open

Being the receiver of feedback gives you an opportunity to learn new things about yourself.  If you are not open to the idea that there may be things about yourself you do not know, you may miss the opportunity to grow as a person.   Learning new things about yourself is an inevitable part of personal development, and being open to feedback can accelerate the process. 

#6 Be Honest with Yourself

Discovering new things about yourself can be a smooth process if you are already honest with yourself about who you are.  With this level of understanding in yourself, it will be easier to stay open to the feedback.  You will be able to discern what is true and what is not, and take in new information without defensiveness. 

Feedback is a tool that supports forward movement, and should be received with that in mind.  It gives you a rare opportunity to see yourself as others do, and presents unknown insight.  Responding properly can prevent any threats to a relationship and encourage more feedback, giving you more chances to grow. 

5 Tips on Giving Effective Feedback

An important element of personal development and improvement is receiving feedback and outside opinions. There are often barriers that we do not see ourselves that need to be identified by someone else. Behavior that may be unproductive and hindering may go completely noticed on our own until it is pointed out by a friend or colleague who sees it and wants to help by sharing. Although feedback can come from the best intentions, many have difficulty receiving it and may take personal offense. However, if you are the one who is giving feedback, there are ways to promote a positive response.

#1 Build Trust
People are more likely to listen to and accept advice if it comes from a trusted source. If you are a good friend, the trust may already been established, but may not be the case in a work relationship. In any situation the person must trust where the feedback is coming from. Let them know why you are sharing this with them, whether it is for their own improvement, safety, or your concern. If the person knows the comments are for their benefit, they will be open to listening, and more likely to accept it.

#2 Contrast
In addition to explaining why you are sharing, it is important to let them know the reasons you are not. We instinctively put up our defenses when feel we are being criticized. Instead of actually listening, many try to determine why they think you are giving them feedback, despite the fact that you may have already told them why. Explain that you are not insulting, criticizing, or passing judgment, because no matter what you say, it may be interpreted that way. By including this clarification, you strengthen the trust.

#3 Focus on Improvements
No one wants to dwell on their own mistakes, and no one wants to hear someone else tell them that they have a problem. It may seem that telling someone about the mistakes they make can help them, but it only helps when they can find value in it. If you concentrate on the positive results the person can expect from taking your advice, they will be more open to your feedback, and will see the worth in taking your advice.

#4 Use Examples
Any opinion is strengthened by evidence. When providing feedback, use examples when possible. Using examples can create trust of the feedback itself. Specific examples of actions and behavior are less deniable, provide a better description of the behavior in question, and will give a starting ground for making improvements.

#5 Give Positive Feedback
Feedback is not just about improvement, it is about what was done well. It should be a way to acknowledge accomplishments. People need self esteem in order to make improvements in their lives, and including true positive feedback can give them that extra boost they need to do so. It should not be diminished in any way by being used in contrast to other feedback. For example, saying "You did very well, but...." lowers the value of the compliment as it seems they did something well but not that well because of something else. Make sure the person feels good about what they did right.

Feedback is most effective when the receiver is open to it. Having trust in a relationship can reduce the difficulty of the task, but an additional trust in the source of the feedback, the reasoning behind it and the feedback itself is needed. For the best results, come from a place that truly benefits the receiver, and communicate that to them.

6 Ways to Make a Great First Impression

The saying, “You only get one chance to make a first impression” is used often because it is very true.  When meeting someone for the first time, how you act and what you say has a considerable effect on the other person’s view of who you are.  It can set the tone for the rest of the conversation.  If you want to make a good impression in that job interview or date, in addition to being genuine and honest, there are ways to strengthen the impact you have.  Here are a few tips that may help.

#1 Eye Contact

One of the best ways to keep another person’s interest is to show interest in them and what they have to say.  Although we may truly be engrossed in what they have to say, expressing that interest to them can be just as important.  A method for this is eye contact.  This seems easy enough, but can be more difficult for some.  Your attention is focused on them, and not on anything else, and they do not have to question your attention.  If you are looking everything but the other person, it looks like you are interested in anything except the person.  Eye contact asserts confidence to the other person, opposed to looking at the floor, which can come across as insecurity.

#2 Firm Handshake

The handshake is common practice in business, simple, yet effective when used wisely.  It is very simple, do not squeeze too hard, you do not want to inflict pain.  Do not use a limp hand, unless you are expecting them to kiss it. You want to use a strong grip that gets their attention from the start. That’s it.

#3 Use the other person’s name

Have you ever met someone for the first time, and realized halfway through the conversation you cannot remember their name?  You then know you have to go through the embarrassing task of acknowledging you do not know the name of the person you have been talking to for the past half hour.  One trick to avoid this is to say their name back to them immediately after they say it the first time.  After that, throw it into the conversation when possible.  Not only are you more likely to remember it, saying it to them will keep their focus on you, because you are acknowledging them throughout the conversation.

#4 Smile

A smile can have profound effects on a person.  A smile is inviting, warm, and can ease the tension of a first meeting.  It is not necessary to consistently keep a smile on your face the entire conversation, but when used appropriately, displays your openness to the other person.  In addition, it can relieve the other person’s apprehension, making the conversation more pleasurable.  A face devoid of emotion or with an unwavering frown expresses indifference, disagreement, or disinterest.

#5 Speak in Confidence

This tip is in regard to tone, volume, and what you say.  Speaking in a voice that is inaudible or mumbled can be frustrating to others, especially when they need to constantly ask you to repeat yourself.  You can also come off as insecure and unsure of yourself, which is never attractive.  Speak in a volume and tone that is solid, articulate and assertive, but not aggressive.  It is easiest to use this style of speaking when you are sure of yourself and what you want to say.  This does not come from talking for the sake of talking, or talking to impress someone.  You are talking because there is something you need to say that is relevant to the conversation or situation, not just filling empty space with words.

#6 Hold your Head High

Next time you are walking in a public area, look at the people around you, and keep your eyes out for people looking at the ground as they walk.  What impression do you get of them?  Keeping your head down communicates shyness and/or lack of confidence.  This is not how you want to present yourself to a date or prospective employer.  Walking with your head up, and eyes forward looking ahead is another easy method to demonstrate your confidence.  This basic move states you are looking forward, and you know where you are going.

Making a good impression is not about trying to impress someone.  The most important part of meeting someone new, as with any other social situation is you must be yourself.  Do not feign interest, or use false emotion to gain the other person’s interest.  Being genuine is a step in creating a real connection.  These tips should be used to exhibit your confidence interest, and your focus on the other person.  The confidence they sense in that first impression will turn a good impression into a great one.  The expression of interest relieves nerves, and can create an enjoyable experience for both participants.

The Do's and Don'ts of Business Meetings

When properly planned and executed, meetings can be an efficient way to share information or solve problems.  When meetings are disorganized, scheduled without reason, too often, or not often enough, they become a waste of time and energy, and are a frustration to everyone.  Meetings can be a very useful tool in an organization’s productivity.  Applied appropriately, it is a great opportunity to increase communication within an organization, and tackle tough issues.   The success of a meeting depends on how it is conducted.  Here are a few things to consider, what to do, and what not to do when scheduling and running a meeting.

Don’t have a meeting if there is no reason to have one.

Do have a meeting if there is a topic to discuss.

Many organizations have meetings on a regular basis (once a week, bi-monthly, etc.), which is alright if there is something to talk about in the meeting.  If a meeting is scheduled, but does not have a point, it ends up wasting time, not only during the meeting, but in the time it takes for everyone to prepare.  If you do have regularly scheduled meetings, and you know that one week is particularly slow and there will be nothing to discuss, cancel it and reconvene when you have an issue that needs attention. 

Don’t include people who aren’t involved in the topic.

Do invite those who have valuable input or need to be involved.

Be careful about who you invite to the meeting.  Review the subject matter and involve anyone who will have important contributions to make, or will need to know about it in the future.  If there are attendees who have no connection with the subject, you are wasting their time.  Additionally, if you are not careful about whom you invite, you may exclude people who may need to be included.  There may be staff members who may not be working on it at the time being, but may need to participate to understand it later on.  If it is a new project, you may want to invite those with more information.  There may be people who are not directly associated with the project, but are more knowledgeable about it.  In this case, they can provide helpful information that others cannot.

Don’t go in unprepared.

Do have an agenda to follow and a basic structure for the meeting.

Every meeting should have a basic plan.  You need to know what needs to be addressed and accomplished during a meeting, and how you are going to go about doing it.  The agenda needs to specify what should be presented in the meeting, and when.  The structure of the meeting is how it is organized.  If this is a meeting where everyone needs to participate, determine the best way to do it (give time for questions, going around the room to each person for feedback, etc.).  If the purpose of the meeting is to brainstorm, think about how you want to generate ideas.  Every meeting needs an agenda and structure, but how each is used will differ based on the meeting.

Don’t assume someone else will run it.

Do have a facilitator.

Once an agenda is set, there must be someone who ensures that it is followed.  A meeting may have one plan, but the attendees have their own agendas, and a meeting can easily go off track when no one is sticking to the plan.  If you cannot facilitate, find someone who will watch the clock, follow the schedule, and keep everyone on track.

Don’t be selfish with the time.

Do respect other schedules.

Meetings are effective when used responsibly.   Schedule enough time to focus on the matter at hand, but do not use time selfishly.  Other members of your team probably have other matters that are just as or maybe more important than the current one, and need time to do their own work.  Furthermore, when meetings are too long, attendees lose interest.  If it becomes clear that you do not have enough time to resolve the issue in the meeting, schedule another one.  The break between the meetings will allow attendees to come back refreshed and open to new information.

Don’t own the meeting.

Do give opportunities for input and discussion in the allotted time.

The topic of the meeting is not the sole purpose.  The purpose is to share this information.  This will not be accomplished if one person is doing all the talking.  Always allow time for feedback, questions, and discussion.  If you do not have these elements, the meeting becomes a lecture.

The most productive meetings are those that have the most thought put into them.  The topic, the attendees, and the structure are all essential components.  With the proper attention, and planning, you can get the most out of your meeting, and the staff members who attend.

5 Ways to Avoid Awkward Moments When Meeting Someone New

Meeting someone for the first time can be very unnerving, whether it is a business client, a date, or someone who approaches you in at a social function.  Trying to maintain an interesting conversation, remaining composed, and finding common interests can be extremely difficult, and even those highly skilled in social interaction may step into trouble.  Here are a few tips that can help you avoid any uneasiness, or at least keep the awkward moments to a minimum.

#1 Keep it Light

When meeting for the first time, you do not know their background, temperament, or personality.  Until you have a better idea of who they are, keep the conversation light and simple.  You never know what will offend or what subjects are off limits to another individual.  A harmless sarcastic joke to you may be interpreted as an insult by someone else.  This also applies to physical interaction.  Many people are comfortable and open with touching and distance with people in general, however, there are many who are not.  Be respectful of the levels of comfort in others, and be careful how you interact.   If you want to take the conversation to a deeper level, take notice in the way they talk and move.  If their body visibly relaxes, they lean in, or their speaking style seems less restricted, test the waters.  Suggest a deeper, possibly more controversial subject, let them know something personal about you, or give them a friendly pat on the back.  If you see a positive response, continue on.  If you observe unease, take a step back to a lighter subject.

#2 Sharing Too Much Information

If the conversation shifts to a deeper topic, be careful about what information you share.  Although you may be engaged in a discussion of fine wines with a date, they do not necessarily need to know the details of what you did the last time you drank too much.  You may know it was an isolated incident, but your date may see an alcoholic sitting in front of them.  In a business setting, you may want to build a rapport by sharing something personal with others, but be careful with what you share.  An embarrassing story about yourself can be seen as a story about your reckless behavior to someone else.  This tip is not applicable in every situation, sometimes conversations can get very personal without problems.  However, when making a first impression, you need to think about what you are saying, and how well the person knows you.  Giving too much in the beginning can not only give the wrong impression, but can also make the person you are talking with uncomfortable.

#3 Do Not Come on Too Strong

A common mistake in new situations is trying too hard to impress, or moving too fast to create a bond with someone.   It is important to be confident, but not boastful.  We want other people to know how smart, successful, and funny we are, but by talking at length about these traits or accomplishments that demonstrate these qualities, we are only demonstrating our arrogance.  If you are truly confident in these areas, they will show in the conversation. 

If you feel a connection with someone, do not assume that it means friendship.  You may feel secure enough to get closer to your new acquaintance, however your acquaintance may think otherwise.      Do not force a connection.  Like tip #1, observe the other person’s behavior and speech and determine whether they feel that same connection.  Test the waters before jumping in.

#4 Use Your Social Graces

Occasionally the most competent communicators find themselves in awkward situations.  A line is crossed, or a comment is interpreted incorrectly.  When you find yourself in this position, the proper response can save you.   It is easier than it seems when you know how to react.  If you have offended someone, simply apologize, explain you meant no offense, clarify what you meant, and move on.  If the other person can tell your apology is sincere, they should be able to move on too.  If you have suggested a subject they deem inappropriate, apologize if necessary, change the subject,  and let it go.  Do not dwell on it.  If the person does not want to discuss something, most likely they do not want to hear an endless apology on it either.

#5 Have an Exit Strategy

If the tables have turned, and you have been put in an uneasy situation by someone else, or the conversation is not going anywhere, and you find yourself locked in a dreaded silence, find an excuse to leave.  If you are at a party, excuse yourself to get another drink, or tell the other person you need to say hello to a friend you have not gotten a chance to greet yet.  At a networking function, simply thank them for your time.  Make sure the other person knows you appreciate the time they took to speak with you, and if you have a reason for ending the conversation, clarify its validity to the other person.

As mentioned before, none of these tips are set in stone.  Sometimes connections are made instantly, and the bonding can take effect quickly.  The conversation can take a controversial turn that is not outside the comfort level of the participants and can continue without conflict.  The best way to avoid unnecessary awkward moments is by truly taking the other person into consideration.  Knowing that they are unique individuals, and have different responses to other people based on their personality and experiences.  Observe and respect comfort levels, act and speak appropriately based on them, and use common sense.

6 Tips for Dealing with Conflict at Work

Every organization has a staff with a diverse set of personalities, backgrounds and experiences. Conflict is inevitable in organizational settings when people who are extremely different work together on a daily basis. Whether it is a clash of personalities, a misunderstanding, or disagreement in the work itself, there are constructive ways to approach these situations. Conflict is often seen as a negative occurrence, which is not necessarily true. It can be an opportunity to open the door for communication, to learn something new about another individual, or find a more effective way of working. Here are some tips that may help you in the next confrontation.

#1 Do not use verbal aggression
If someone were to physically assault you, your first instinct is to defend yourself. It is no different when being verbally assaulted. If a co-worker accuses or blames you, you instinctively guard yourself from the attack. Retaliation or responding with a verbal attack is common. If you believe you are not at fault, be sure to communicate that without the use of personal attacks or defensiveness. This may be difficult in the moment, especially if you are being accused of something you know is not true, or if you are blatantly insulted. However you are more likely to get the point across if the other person does not feel threatened. Maintain your maturity and professionalism, no matter the outcome, instigation will not help the situation.

#2 Be open
Misunderstandings are often the cause of these conflicts. If a message involves a line of communication involving many people, information can be lost, or messages can be misinterpreted. Be open to the fact that there may be something you do not know, or that the other person may have a point although you may be right. Be open to creating a discussion about fixing the problem, instead of pointing the finger. This is when conflict can be useful. By listening, understanding, and if possible, sympathizing with the other person, the argument can become a discussion. This is an opportunity to create a flow of new ideas, which can not only solve the problem at hand, but prevent future disagreements, and strengthen your work relationship.

#3 Focus on the problem
It is very easy to point the finger or play the blame game when trouble arises. As easy as it is, it is not useful or productive. The main concern is to find a solution to the problem, not to determine who was wrong. If it pertains to the issue it hand, stating who did what may clarify the problem as a whole. If the problem is related to the work itself, keep the conversation focused on exactly what is wrong, and what can be done to fix it. If conversation leans towards accusations, lead it back to a safe space where both parties are focused on ideas. If the problem is regarding the work relationship, do not focus on the person's faults. Talk about what can be done to effectively work together. If you must tell someone you think they are at fault, do not use insults, and explain how it is affecting the work.

#4 Stay cool
In heated situations, we have a tendency to speak first and think after. This results in aggression which aggravate the conflict. Instead, pause before you speak, think about what the person has said to you, and respond appropriately. By giving yourself this time to think, you cool down, and you are less likely to speak with anger. A lot of the time, the other person wants to argue for the sake of arguing. When you stay calm, they will see their tactics are not useful, and will either give up or choose to talk as calmly as you are. You will also be able to come up with a more insightful reply that can lead the argument into a discussion.

#5 Find a common ground
If people have a common ground, working together to reach it can be less troublesome. Determine what you really want, and try to determine what the other person is looking for. Use this information to align your desired outcome with theirs. It is easier to open up to someone and share your true thoughts and ideas, if you know that they want what you want.

#6 Tell a supervisor
If all else fails, telling a manager or supervisor may be the best option. If this is the course you choose, be sure to explain how you tried to fix the problem before approaching them. They want to know you can work independently and at least made an effort. Be sure to show them how the resolution of this conflict will ultimately help them. They do not need to know who was at fault in the situation, but if the work is being affected, and you can prove this, they are going to step in and help change it. Explain the problem clearly, and the benefits for the manager or the company as a whole if the problem is worked out.

Most of the time, when conflict arises, there is no way to avoid it. The result is based on how we approach it. Once you accept that conflict is unavoidable, it no longer is a problem. Instead, it becomes chance to change an inefficiency or strengthen a relationship. By keeping communication open, being aware of the present situation, and not concentrating on winning, coming to a resolution that benefits both parties can be achieved.

5 Tips on Communicating Effectively in a Group

Everyone wants to have a voice, and have their opinions heard and acknowledged.  This can be difficult, due to the fact that everyone wants to have their opinions heard, and a lot of the time, no one wants to listen!  We may find ourselves in a situation with a group of outspoken people and our voice gets drowned out.  So how do we make sure we are heard in that business meeting or the crowded dinner party?  The following are a few tips that can help you in those situations.

#1 Don’t be afraid

If you have a statement to make, do not be afraid to make it! This sounds simple, but people are very quick to assume their opinion holds no value.  If you have a valid outlook, why not share it in a respectable manner?  If everyone in the room is voicing their views, why should you keep yours to yourself?  It may be the viewpoint that adds or builds the conversation.  Be confident in your opinions and in yourself.

#2 Know your stuff

Talking without substance can be very unattractive.   We all have the right to contribute to a group conversation, but it should be something relevant to the conversation, and something that you actually know about.  All it takes is one word used incorrectly, or an untrue statement for you to lose all credibility.  You never know what other people know.   If there is a subject you do not know, there is no need to say anything.  You would make a better impression by staying quiet on the subject, rather than attempting to fake your way through it.  No one wants to hear someone talk about something they know nothing about.

#3 Be Open Minded

In a group of people, you will inevitably find a diverse set of viewpoints.  It is alright to disagree, however it is important to respect other stances.  Be open to listening to that person, and respecting their point of view.  They are more likely to listen to you, if you are willing to listen to them and consider what they have to say is valid. 

#4 Listen

This is a tip that is frequently given when it comes to communication, but often not used.  We get focused on getting in our conversation, we wait to speak instead of following what the group is saying.  If you listen in a group, you will have more to use in the statement you want to make.  With more information, your opinion will be stronger and have more relevance to the conversation.

#5 Share the conversation

Once we are able to get into a group conversation and have the ability to hold everyone’s attention, it is essential to remember it is a GROUP conversation.  No matter how important we think our opinion is, there are other people who have thoughts just as important as yours.  We may feel a sense of power speaking in these situations, but you cannot let it go to your head.  Say your piece, and let someone else speak.   You will have plenty of other opportunities to speak again during the conversation.   People are more likely to give you those opportunities if they know you will not hog the conversation and will give them the same chance to speak that you expect.  

Being heard in a group is not just about speaking up.  It involves understanding and respecting others in the group.  You can talk as much as you want, but if you do not respect others and their opinions, no matter how loud you are, no one will hear you.

6 Ways to Increase your Confidence in Social Situations

Meeting new people or entering new social situations can be a very difficult experience for many people.  In order to be successful in both our personal and professional lives, it is a necessity.  Nerves, low self-esteem, or lack of being in those situations are a few factors that make them even more challenging.  There are precautions one can take in order to relieve anxiety and prepare yourself for these encounters, so instead of worrying about yourself, you can focus on what you are there for.

#1 Dress the part

Dress appropriately for the new setting you are in.  By dressing appropriately you not only increase your confidence by taking pride in the way you look, you will look and feel like you belong wherever you are.  Others you meet will most likely think the same thing.  If you are going to a party, check the party attire beforehand; find out what others are wearing.  Nothing spells embarrassment like showing up to an engagement requiring formal attire in jeans.  If you are going on a job interview or meeting a new client, if possible try to find out the culture of the business, and dress to fit it. If that information is not available, it’s always better to be overdressed.

#2 Prepare Conversation starters

A lot of social anxiety comes from not knowing what to say when meeting new people.   Have a few topics in prepared beforehand.  Read a couple of articles from the news that day, or find information pertaining to the event to talk about.  Be sure to choose topics that you can have a conversation about!  There is no point in bringing up a topic that you can’t continue to talk about in a conversation.

#3 The 50/50 rule

Share the conversation!  A big turnoff when meeting a new person is someone who does not know when to stop talking.  It’s alright to talk about yourself to an extent, but a conversation takes more than one person.  Be sure to focus some of your energy on the other person and listen to what they are saying.  You will be able to find conversation points to build on, and find more opportunities to connect with someone by giving them the chance to talk and truly listening.

#4 Exercise

This may not be a communication skill, but is a great confidence booster.   It is common knowledge that exercise is beneficial.  Specifically to social situations, it puts you at a relaxed state and lowers anxiety.  Exercise maintains your calm state, and will keep you calm when meeting people.  The increase in confidence exercise gives makes it easier to approach new people. 

#5 Be Yourself

This may be a very obvious cliché statement, but it is very true.  You do not want to meet new people acting someone you are not.  Be honest about who you are and what you know.  There is no need to pretend you know things that you don’t.   Most of the time, people can see right through it, and the more you do it, someone will eventually find the inconsistencies in your story.   When you are comfortable with yourself, others are comfortable with you.

Confidence in your skills comes from practice.  If you wanted to be a concert pianist, you would need to practice to perfect your skills.  If you want to be comfortable in new social environments, you must put yourself in these environments when you have the opportunity and practice your skills.   The more you do it, the easier it gets.   Just like learning or improving any other skill, you may make mistakes.  Instead of beating yourself up, you learn from them and move on.  However nervous you may think you are, most other people you meet are just as nervous.