When we listen, we do more than hearing words. We interpret messages using nonverbal communication, intuition, observations and context. By using this additional information, we are able to have a deeper understanding of a message, or read between the lines. Sometimes the message may be misconstrued due to other factors (insecurity, signal misunderstandings, defensiveness, etc.). In these situations, the person sending the message can contrast to prevent misinterpretations or clear them up.
Contrasting is clarifying what the communicator is not saying. People can only interpret communication to an extent, and sometimes it becomes the speaker's task to let the other person know exactly what is not being implied. During a heated discussion, debate or argument, temperatures rise and emotions can easily come into play. When this happens, people have a tendency to make their own assumptions about what is being said. These assumptions can be made in other situations as well, regardless of emotion.
In order to know when to contrast, you must observe the other person's behavior and how they communicate. Unprovoked defensiveness, withdrawal, disagreement or similar social cues in response to your message may be a red flag. Think about what you have said, how it may cause that particular response, then communicate that you are not suggesting that.
This communication skill is one that may not seem like a necessity, therefore a hassle to put into use. However it is a skill that makes communication and social situations easier, and like any other communication skill it takes consistent application and practice.
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