Coach Adam's Communication Tips

"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."

-George Bernard Shaw

6 Ways to Increase your Confidence in Social Situations

Meeting new people or entering new social situations can be a very difficult experience for many people.  In order to be successful in both our personal and professional lives, it is a necessity.  Nerves, low self-esteem, or lack of being in those situations are a few factors that make them even more challenging.  There are precautions one can take in order to relieve anxiety and prepare yourself for these encounters, so instead of worrying about yourself, you can focus on what you are there for.

#1 Dress the part

Dress appropriately for the new setting you are in.  By dressing appropriately you not only increase your confidence by taking pride in the way you look, you will look and feel like you belong wherever you are.  Others you meet will most likely think the same thing.  If you are going to a party, check the party attire beforehand; find out what others are wearing.  Nothing spells embarrassment like showing up to an engagement requiring formal attire in jeans.  If you are going on a job interview or meeting a new client, if possible try to find out the culture of the business, and dress to fit it. If that information is not available, it’s always better to be overdressed.

#2 Prepare Conversation starters

A lot of social anxiety comes from not knowing what to say when meeting new people.   Have a few topics in prepared beforehand.  Read a couple of articles from the news that day, or find information pertaining to the event to talk about.  Be sure to choose topics that you can have a conversation about!  There is no point in bringing up a topic that you can’t continue to talk about in a conversation.

#3 The 50/50 rule

Share the conversation!  A big turnoff when meeting a new person is someone who does not know when to stop talking.  It’s alright to talk about yourself to an extent, but a conversation takes more than one person.  Be sure to focus some of your energy on the other person and listen to what they are saying.  You will be able to find conversation points to build on, and find more opportunities to connect with someone by giving them the chance to talk and truly listening.

#4 Exercise

This may not be a communication skill, but is a great confidence booster.   It is common knowledge that exercise is beneficial.  Specifically to social situations, it puts you at a relaxed state and lowers anxiety.  Exercise maintains your calm state, and will keep you calm when meeting people.  The increase in confidence exercise gives makes it easier to approach new people. 

#5 Be Yourself

This may be a very obvious cliché statement, but it is very true.  You do not want to meet new people acting someone you are not.  Be honest about who you are and what you know.  There is no need to pretend you know things that you don’t.   Most of the time, people can see right through it, and the more you do it, someone will eventually find the inconsistencies in your story.   When you are comfortable with yourself, others are comfortable with you.

Confidence in your skills comes from practice.  If you wanted to be a concert pianist, you would need to practice to perfect your skills.  If you want to be comfortable in new social environments, you must put yourself in these environments when you have the opportunity and practice your skills.   The more you do it, the easier it gets.   Just like learning or improving any other skill, you may make mistakes.  Instead of beating yourself up, you learn from them and move on.  However nervous you may think you are, most other people you meet are just as nervous.